Depression 2

I don't really have an answer to the question "How was your Christmas?". Does anyone?

Unless you say "Eventful - our house burned down on Boxing Day", as happened to someone I used to work with, not many of us truly want more detail.

Suffice to say I found it really comforting to be around family, especially Jon, whose very presence makes everything markedly better. We had mild tummy bugs but escaped the worst of the winter epidemics. Logie got thrilling presents, including:

       ·      A balance bike. On Christmas Eve I asked my Dad whether it needed assembling, and he said cheerfully "Yes, but we've already wrapped it up in the box". So when it came out the next morning, Logie nearly had coronary with excitment, and kept trying to climb on the saddle bit and steer the handlebars bits while Jon frantically tried to build it quickly. By the time it was ready, and Logie was kitted out in wet weather gear and helmet, it had all become too much, and he simply wailed when we put him on it. And hasn't been on it since. I think he is making a point.

      ·      A kitchen. Unlike his girlfriends, he doesn't do any elaborate cooking, but he will make cups of tea, and if you're really special you get a fish head in it.

      ·      A flashing bouncing ball. This may well have been his best present.

      ·      A pillow and duvet with trains on them. Going to sleep with the trains is terrishingly exciting - he can't believe his luck. But how long will it be til he realises he is now more capable of climbing out of his cot now that he's not in a bag (for lunchtime sleeps only)? He hasn't attempted it yet, but the day will surely come, and I want to postpone it for as long as possible.

To say he is full of beans at the moment is an understatement. Every action requires a supplementary couple of laps around the kitchen, getting up or down or from A to B must be jumped, many things must be thrown on the floor from a great height.

And he keeps hitting me. Often in the face. Jon too. It's a stage, I know, and maybe he is picking up on something, but I'm finding it upsetting. Any suggestions?

I still manage not to cry in front of him, but yesterday, day three of pretty much solo, full-on childcare, a few tears slid out as he sat on my lap on the stairs, putting his shoes on. I was exhausted (it was only 9:30am and I am still not sleeping much at night), knocked about and overwhelmed.

I'd thought perhaps that I was a bit better over Christmas because I was behaving as if I was, even if I didn't feel convinced inside. But the last few days have been back in the depths. Ho hum.

This stage of pregnancy was never going to be easy with a toddler. My bump is ginormous, and it would be physically testing for anyone. But as ever, I have plenty to be grateful for. It's actually a lovely time, my friends and family are all supportive and kind, I'm not working - why am I making such a meal of it? Frustrating.

One more note on the jumping, which is Logie's defining activity. (Ironically, he is refusing to wear jumpers at the moment, which is a shame, as he got some lovely ones as presents.)

When he comes across someone in the park or the soft play area that he wants to befriend (usually a bigger boy, his heroes) he sidles up to them and does some small jumps by their side, like a penguin trying to fly. It's so sweet, especially if they don't notice and he carries on in hope. Then he does a few log rolls on the floor. Then experiments with some bigger, falling-over jumps, which usually do the trick. I look forward to the day when I can jump for joy with him again - physically and mentally.