It's in list form. Because I tend to think in lists at the moment, if at all. I am constantly adding things to my To Do list, though sadly I cross them off much less often. I am fanatical about my Packing list when we go away for a weekend, though it didn't stop me failing to pack any pants for myself last time.
- The corner of a business card is the ideal implement for fishing bogeys out of a small baby's nose. Pointy but soft, can't go in too far. This discovery is thanks to my husband, who takes even more pleasure than your average parent in extracting them. He bites his nails, so til this breakthrough would often summon me with the words "Bring me your little fingernail - there's a really good one I think we could get". NB he uses other people's cards, not his own, so don't worry about accepting one in future.
- Some babies much prefer to sleep on their fronts. In fact, once you've got over your fear and guilt about putting them down on their tummies, they will pretty much stop sleeping on their backs for more than half an hour at a time. Ever. Unless you're pushing them in a buggy or holding them at an uncomfortable angle (for you) in your arms.
- Everything our NCT breastfeeding evangelist - sorry, teacher - told us was wrong. I didn't trust her anyway given that her first words were "Do you know what they put in formula? FISH EYES!" but I did believe her about hindmilk only being right at the 'back' of the milk that comes out of each breast, and that it's better to line up your baby's nose with your nipple, rather than their mouth. Now, thanks to Clare Byam-Cook, I understand why that's bollocks.
- The guilt that you feel about STILL not having written most of your baby present thank-you cards when he is two months old is always there, like a low-level headache, however far up your To Do list it is. It is exacerbated by the fact that you can't actually remember who gave you what.
- Sinusitis really hurts and sometimes takes two lots of antibiotics to nuke.
- If you order a bright pink shirt and wear it all day when it arrives in the morning post, you will feel significantly less cool in it when you switch on the telly in the evening and see Margaret Mountford from The Apprentice wearing one almost exactly the same.
- Having two children in nappies drives you to drink. You'd think that doing the graveyard shift with a mild hangover would be enough to stop you, but it isn't. Fino sherry and tonic, as recommended by Esther Walker, is particularly delicious.
- Cold pressed grapeseed oil is really good at clearing up the dry, crusty, flaky patches on your baby's face. If you want to add to your high levels of guilt, don't actually apply it regularly til he is 8 weeks old. The speed at which it clears up is quite shameful, especially if the bottle has been sitting in his room pretty much unused for 6 weeks.
- You need a present drawer of biscuits when you are doing full-time childcare with small kids, for visits to friends. You must not reveal its location to your husband.
- Sleep deprivation defines so many aspects of your life that it requires a whole separate blog post. Stay tuned.
